I remember when the girls were about a year old, Olivia reached up to the burner of the stove. At the time, we lived in a small 2 bedroom, 2 bath townhouse on a hill. It was comfortable, but space was not plentiful at all. Our small kitchen was outfitted with a stove, a sink, a microwave oven, a washer and dryer, and a small pantry. The twins were often quarantined from the area because little feet and little hands could suffer injury in the little kitchen. That day, however, Olivia had crossed the barrier that I crafted and was reaching for the hot stove laced with blue flames. I'm not sure what caused me to turn around, but just as she was about to feel the pain of her choice, I swooped her up like a mother bird, and held on tight. She was oblivious. She looked into my eyes with shock, not fear, but shock, and then she began to cry and attempted to wiggle out of my arms. This child wanted to go back to the seat of danger and touch the blue flames. Her youth and naivete caused her to believe that she wasn't going to get hurt. She was blissfully unaware of the trauma that her little hands would suffer had they met the flame. She cried and cried as I held her and scolded her, "No Livy! That is hot. Hot!!! That is a No!" She finally calmed down and turned to the stove, pointed at the burner, with one finger pointed said, "Momma...no! No touch. Hot!" She grabbed my face in her hands and said, "No touch. Hot. Ok?" I looked at her sweet face and smiled. She never touched the stove again.
So what does that have to do with me, you ask? Well, many times in life we get close to danger, only to be stopped by those who have fear that we will be burned. I recall when I was in college I wanted to go abroad for a semester. My mother, who is admittedly not interested in world travel, discouraged me from traveling, citing expense, language barriers, and fear of what monsters lived overseas. I let her fear win me over, and I didn't go. There have been many instances where the fears that others possess have dictated choices that I have made (and not made) in my life. I stifled my hopes and dreams because of other peoples fears. I have always been fearless, but I sometimes won't leap or take a risk. I'm not saying that I want to burn my fingers, but I just want to feel the heat. I'm 47 and I am just now wiggling out of the grips of expectations and I'm taking risks that I never thought I would. I am living well and striving for more and it is in line with what I asked for years ago. I was always afraid that my dreams were too big to achieve, but today, I realize that my dreams are not big enough. I wasn't blessed with this beautiful, complex, creative brain for nothing. It's time I start using it. Yes, I am surrounded by blue flames and yes, I could get burned, but it's a risk I'm willing to take to reach my dreams. So watch, as I navigate through the flames of discomfort, hurdle over the heat of expectations, and sprint past the raging blaze of haters and naysayers. If you blink, you may miss me, so watch my smoke!
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