I'm 48. I am almost half-a-century old. Depending on where you stand in the age gap, I'm either really old or "just a baby." No matter how you characterize my age, one thing is true; I have likely lived longer than I will live. Sure, I'd love to see 96, and if I keep up my daily workouts, proper eating, and stress-free existence, I just might get there. But in all likelihood, there is more time behind me than ahead.
Each day I wake up to a symphony of cracks and creaks as I ease myself out of bed. I head downstairs, make a cup of tea, prepare a light breakfast, then hurry my 12-year-old twins to school. After returning home, I work out, shower, then begin my workday. It is a fairly routine way to live. Some days are exciting, others mundane and boring. There are few things that I can predict, but one thing that I am SURE of is that I DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT I DON'T WANT TO DO! Every task, every activity, every phone call, every email, every interaction, no matter what it is, if I don't want to do it, I DON'T! Why? Because I have lived longer than I will and refuse to waste my time doing things that don't bring me joy. I don't have trivial relationships either. If I like you, you know it. If I don't, you know that too.
In this season of my life, I am hell-bent on making sure I am cared for first. Before my husband, before my children, before my family, clients, friends, or work, I take care of Shelbi. I make sure that I assess my intention for doing anything before I do it. I get honest with myself. "I am doing this to feed my ego. I am doing this to secure the bag. I am doing this because it makes me happy." Whatever the REAL intention, I am clear about my "why" and I make no apologies or judgements about them.
Living in this self-transparent form, where I don't lie to myself has freed me to live well. I have no regrets. I live with authenticity and give to others, straight, no chaser. What you see is what you get. Anyone who REALLY knows me, knows that I have a big heart, but big hearts bleed. No, I'm not a hard person without feeling, but I am a person who knows her worth and will never stay in a place where hate abounds. Nope. I give love and I seek love. I am deserving of it and so are you. Times a wastin' ya'll! Do only that which you have a heart to do and leave the rest behind!
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